Harry Potter and Just Some Island
by M-python-girl
Summary: It's the summer before Third Year. Harry takes a blood-test to get his money from Gringotts, and gets a legacy from his mother's side. Now he owns a tropical island. It would be completely unremarkable if it weren't for the Crumple Horned Snorkacks and the Bloops.
1. Home is Where the Dursleys Aren't

Chapter 1: Home is Where the Dursleys Aren't

...

Harry inflated his aunt, smuggled himself to Diagon Ally, and got something akin to a pardon from the Minister.

The next day he needed money for school shopping. He went to Gringotts, but didn't have his key, so things... diverged a bit.

When he took a blood test to check his identity the goblin, Axegrinder, uttered on single mildly annoyed word in gobbledygook and looked up. "You have a claim to the Potter trust vault, and the vault of Jered Jones. You have already claimed the first, would you like to claim the second?"

Harry stared for a second, waiting for his brain to restart, before asking, "Won't Mr. Jones mind?"

The goblin snorted, "It says quite clearly in his will that the first magical male descendant to make a claim after a verified blood-test would get his vault and everything in it. He paid for a five hundred year lease for that, and he only died in 1683, without magical children or grandchildren. As far as we are aware, you are his first male decedent to have a blood-test here. Would you like to claim the vault?"

Harry shrugged, "Sure, I don't see why not."

"Very well, here are your keys. After inspecting both vaults you can combine them, though you may want to wait until you are of age since the Jones vault has a higher withdrawal cap. Shingouger! Show him to his vaults!"

After a ride on the cart, they came to the unfamiliar vault, it was unremarkable. Completely ordinary as far as Gringotts goes. He unlocked it and found... a large pile of very strange coins: gold, silver, and copper, multiple types of coin for each material. He looked closer, but couldn't recognize any, until he got to the florin... he'd never seen a real one before, they were so old, but he'd seen a picture.

He looked at the Goblin, "I have a treasure trove of collectible coins, don't I?"

Shingouger shrugged, "Wizarding world didn't get it's own currency until the statute of secrecy. This vault is old enough to have different coins. You want to keep 'em, or exchange 'em?"

Harry thought for a bit and decided, "Can I keep twenty of each type of coin? I'd like to keep some, but I don't need to keep them all. I also don't need it quickly, so... sell the rest to the highest bidder?"

"Alright, you gonna go in the artifact section?"

"What artifact section?"

The Goblin rolled his eyes, "There's a door behind the pile of coins."

Harry looked behind the coins and, sure enough, there was a stone door. He opened it and went inside. There wasn't much here. A few chests, mostly full of papers. When he opened the last dust covered chest, he heard a thunk. He looked behind the chest, and saw a envelope. He opened it.

Inside were two rings, what looked like a couple deeds, and a letter.

Dear Great-Grandson,

Congratulations! You have some money, my notes, a house, and an island in the New World. You may need to do some fixing up, but the amount of money I spent on enchantments and bribes should mean there are no legal squabbles. Anti-bureaucracy wards are very expensive, but any required documents will file themselves automatically, and no bureaucrat can meddle with the documents without your permission. It keeps people out of your business while simultaneously cutting back on the dreaded evil that is paperwork.

There are some unique magic creatures on the island. If anyone asks they were there when I found them. There are two types. They are called Bloops, and Crumple Horned Snorkacks. There are details on them in my notes.

The rings are mega-portkeys. If you tap the gem with your wand, you will teleported to It's designated point. The red goes to the London townhouse, the green takes you to the island. Each can be used once a day, so it has time to recharge. You can have a maximum of four average sized passengers. This keeps people from trying to use your island to host parties you'd rather not have anything to do with.

Sincerely,

Jered Jones

He had a home. His own home. Two of them. One was an island. He smiled. He'd need some do it yourself books.

Author's Notes:

Beta-ed by Lydia-Hood

The chapter lengths increase around chapter 9 tother 1500 words.


	2. Some Magical Creatures

Harry bought his school supplies.

When at Florish and Blotts he looked at the do it yourself books. Most used magic, but they let him order some books detailing muggle methods.

He also found out about anti-bureaucracy wards... apparently you could only legally have them if they were set before 1710, because the Ministry couldn't track underage magic on the property, or any magic used to get there. This wasn't an issue for Jered because he had died before the statute of secrecy was ever in place so the wards were grandfathered in, but it meant Harry could activate his rings to get there without even a bleep on the Ministry's radar.

He thought about the once a day portkey rule. If he wanted to sleep in the Leaky *Cauldron*, then he would need to find a way from the townhouse, so he would need to visit the island first. So the next day he bought a baseball cap for disguise, and portkeyed to his island.

It was crazy sunny. He was in the shade of some trees. Next to him was something that may have once been a house. There was a tree growing out of it. He looked around.

What the hell was that thing? The beach was fine, but... that must be a Crumple Horned Snorkack. It had a single horn on its forehead, that looked like someone had made a paper horn, wadded it into a ball, then tried to straighten it. It went as high as his chest, and was one and a half times as wide (as his chest). It's body was roughly barrel shaped, and looked to be made of large fleshy rolls of fat. It had eight round stubby legs without joints, and a tube coming out of its mouth. As it slowly bounded over the beach, it came across an injured bird. It's tube shot out and, with a slurping sound, the bird dried up until it was dust.

It was the most terrifying thing Harry had ever seen. He was definitely reading his Grandfather's notes before he let one get close to him.

After looking around a bit more, he determined he would come back later, after he had read some more of the notes, and found out roughly where the island is.

[Scene Break]

The town... property, was in an older part of London, among a bunch of two story houses. He refused to call that ruin a house.

He just... looked. He knew how to make a fence, but building a house from scratch? That was a bit beyond him. He thought he would have a base to start from, but there wasn't really enough left.

He sighed, dejected, "I could sure use some help with this."

"Harry Potter sir needs Dobby?"

Harry whirled around, "Dobby? What are you doing here?"

Dobby grinned. He didn't look any better than when Harry last saw him, but he seemed fine. "Dobby want to help Harry Potter to pay him back for freeing him. What can Dobby do for Harry Potter sir?"

"Er... I just inherited this place, and I'll need help rebuilding it. It's a pretty big project. You may not want to stick around for it."

Dobby ears drooped, "Dobby hasn't found work yet. Dobby will need a way to get food first."

Harry sighed as he surveyed his property. Then an idea struck him. He was rich. Like, rich enough to hire people for things... how much do you pay people? He'd heard something about 5 pounds an hour... and forty hour work weeks? 200 pounds a week? A galleon was 100 pounds, so 2 galleons a week? He could afford that.

He straightened, "Hey Dobby, what if I paid you?"

Author's Notes:

Beta-ed by Lydia-Hood

The Snorkacks are giant Tardigrades with horns, they suck out the cellular liquid. I don't know if that would technically turn you into a mummy, but I'm gonna go with dust.

There are three different conversion rates. I go with this one, because it makes the most sense to me:

1 galleon=100 pounds

1 sickle=5.88 pounds

1 knut =.20 pounds

I love reviews, and appreciate constructive criticism.


	3. The Deal

Chapter 3: The Deal

...

It's official. Dobby was nuts. Apparently Harry was offering too much, for not enough work. They haggled, and somehow it turned into 1 galleon 1sickle a week, where he works 13 hours a day, 7 days a week, with one day off a month. He was only able to get that exta sickle by telling him he would be head elf if he chose to stay on.

They planned on making a 5 bedroom, 2 bathroom house, with two stories, an attic, and a basement. Harry insisted on adding an "elf-room" for Dobby, with space for any additions, which was a clause mainly so Dobby would consent to having a room sized for him, but not squeezed into the furnace room or under the stairs (where he tried to put it when they were planning). Harry was not going to let anyone sleep under the stairs if he could help it.

But they got the floor plan finished in a couple hours (it's not like Harry was picky, he just wanted something that worked.) He invited Dobby to stay the night with him in the Leaky Couldren, and they took the Knight Bus (baseball cap firmly pulled down) without being recognized. And things were looking up.

Unfortunately, Dumbledore was waiting for him in the pub. "It's good to see you are well. We were worried."

Harry blinked, "We?"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, "Indeed. Me, the Minister, the Weasleys, and the Grangers. Weren't you told not to wonder off into Muggle London?"

Harry blushed. He opened his mouth to say he hadn't been wandering around Muggle London when he realized he didn't want Dumbledore knowing about his homes, and closed it. His instincts were usually right about this sort of thing, but he would have to figure out why later. He could only change his mind about a secret until he told it. Once it was told, it could never be un-told.

When he wasn't forthcoming with a comment Dumbledore continued, "wandering off alone with a murderer on the loose isn't very responsible. You could be attacked while no one knew where you were, and we wouldn't know what happened to you."

"But I didn't wander off alone," he blurted it out. Dumbledore raised his eyebrow in an obvious invitation for more information. Bloody hell, he had to scavenge it somehow and he didn't want to *lie* to his headmaster. "I teleported, so it wasn't wandering." True. "And I was with Dobby the entire time I was in Muggle London." For maybe a total of thirty seconds if you added it up. "I just wanted to do some sight seeing. I've never spent much time in Muggle London." The two sentences weren't actually related, but each was true. "We were careful not to get caught," by anyone, especially fans, but also murderers

Dumbledore looked at Dobby who nodded his head, ears flapping, "Harry Potter sir and Dobby saw good things." Apperently Dobby knew what Harry was going for.

"Dobby did stop Malfoy from attacking me last year, shouldn't he be able to keep me safe?"

Dumbledore was silent for a time and sighed, "I'd prefer it if you stayed in Diagon Ally, but if you have Dobby with you and _tell Tom_ before you leave, it should be alright. So long as Dobby promises to keep you out of danger."

Dobby grinned and nodded, "Dobby promises to keep Harry Potter safe!"

Dumbledore looked at Harry, "you promise to tell Tom before you leave Diagon, and be back before dark?"

Harry blushed again, "yes, sir."

Dumbledore took a deep beath, and smiled, eyes twinkling. "Then I suppose it's alright. Just remember to be careful."

Harry smiled back, "of course, sir."

After lunch he and Dobby went upstairs to discuss more plans for the townhouse. Dobby eventually said he wanted to check something, so Harry went to explore Diagon some more.

AN: Dumbledore is using a light Legilimency Probe. It gives him a vague knowledge of Harry's emotions and truthfulness, without actually butting in. So he knows Harry is being evasive but truthful, and he'd probably be more paranoid if Harry _didn't_ try to be evasive. Being a 13 year old boy caught in wrongdoing. My Dumbledore is well meaning, but is too busy worrying about everyone he sometimes makes grey choices, so he won't cross the line until he thinks it's needed (like if Harry had just denied wandering Muggle London)

And the bit in chapter 2 about 2 galleons is to show what a normal wage for normal hours would be.


	4. Financing

Chapter 4: Financing

...

But while at the bank, he also discussed how to let someone in his employ withdraw money. Apparently he could make a "household" sub-account, where it has a maximum withdrawal and budget. Harry figured he would have to ask Dobby how much it was to build a house. He was pretty sure he had enough.

He wasn't used to cuddling, but it was the easiest way to have Dobby stay over since there was only one bed. In the morning, they had breakfast and went to Gringotts. When they got through the line and he told the teller he wanted advice on future spending, they sent him to the account manager he apparently had.

Bladeshover was a relatively large goblin. With a scar over his left eye. "They said you wanted to make a plan?"

Harry nodded, "I have some property that I would like to build a house on. I would like to know how much that would cost, if I have enough, and if that might interfere with any of my required."

The goblin shrugged, "how big a house?"

"Er... three stories? Five bedrooms?"

"Hmm... let look at a few things?"

Harry nodded.

Bladeshover left the room and came back a half hour later. "If you hire a construction company, you have enough to build a house and go to Hogwarts and still keep up your investment portfolio. You won't be able to buy anything extravagent for a while, but you could do it."

"Is there enough for an extra galleon and sickle every week?"

The man nodded. "You make twice that, minimum from your investments."

Harry smiled, "Sweet. Now how do I set Dobby up with a household account for it?"

He raised his eyebrow, "you sure you want him in charge of it?"

"He can't do any worse than I would."

And so it was settled. Dobby could withdraw from the household account. And they started to do research on what they could do with the new budget. Apparently Dobby was asking advice from an elf who worked for a man that turned muggle houses magical, and vice versa.

Dobby could make what was known as a half-blood house. It would have both muggle and magical aspects. Apparently, while no one knew why or how magic and technology interfered with each other, they had found the sorts that could coexist in the same environment. Harry hadn't the slightest clue how it worked, but it made sense since he never broke any of the appliences at the Dursleys.

They spent the mornings buying building materials, and working on the house (Harry making sure to tell Tom before he left) and Harry had fun learning the spells that would help. Then after lunch Dobby would go pester the other elf for tips (and continue working on the house), while Harry explored Diagon Ally. They would then have have dinner, and go upstairs to make more plans and sleep.

On the day before school started, the first floor and basement were finished enough that Dobby said he would like to stay there. So they bought Dobby a cot for the elf room. While he was in Diagon Ally he ran into Ron and Hermione, (finally, he'd been waiting). Hermione got Crookshanks, Percy was head boy, Harry overheard the bit about Sirius Black and freaked a bit. They got on the train, and the exact same thing happened as in the books. This will be a slow diveregence, it happens just the same, until the first day of Defense.

...

AN: I am not here to rewrite something that has been written thousands of times before, so if it is _indestiguishable _from the original, I'm not going to bother rewriting it. I will sum it up to help keep the timeline in my (and your) heads.


	5. Of Tardigrades and Giggling

Chapter 5: Of Tardigrades and Giggling

...

The first day of Defense was a treat. They got an actual practical, first day. Everyone was having a wonderful time facing their fear, but Harry was nervous. How do you make a dementor funny?

It was his turn. Lupin had intended to jump in front of Harry before the boggart got to him, but a student got in the way, and the temperature plummeted. There stood a dementor, suckling the happiness out of him. It was all he could do to mutter, "riddikulus" with the proper wand movements. He didn't have a funny thought.

So, the dementor turned into his second greatest fear. A Crumple Horned Snorkack. It came at him, tubular mouth appendage extending towards him as he thought desperately for a way to make it funny- when he heard a giggle next to him.

Hermione started to snicker, then giggle, and as everyone turned to stare at her in bewilderment, she bent over and tried not to sink to the ground with the amount of laughter. The boggart disappeared as she forced the word, "tardigrades" through her laughter.

Whatever she was talking about, it was a good cover. Snorkacks are kind of cute, until you see them eat.

So, when someone asked him, "what's a tardigrade?" He replied, "Hermione can explain it better, just wait for her to catch her breath."

When she finally did: "they are about a millimeter long, can survive boiling and almost absolute zero, and can be frozen solid. They can be dehydrated, and even survive the vacuum of space. It was just the last thing I expected to see in a Wizarding school. And the horn was just silly."

As Hermione gave her lecture Harry felt mounting dread. It seemed there was a good chance that Snorkacks were invincible.

Professor Lupin pulled him aside after class, and gave him a knowing look. "Do you know what happened with the boggart?"

"I couldn't think of a way to make dementor funny," he answered thoughtfully, "I don't think the spell failed, it just didn't have something to work off of. So it made the dementor transform into my next highest fear?"

Lupin nodded, "I don't know why you fear Tardigrades, and I won't ask. Try to think of a way to make both them, and dementor funny... alternatively keep Ms. Granger with you."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh, and Harry?"

"Yes?"

"If you need someone to confide in, or just need to talk, my door is always open."

Harry nodded and left the office.

Time passed, and everything was the same for the most part. Dementors sucked, and Harry figured that, as he worked on one fear, he would work on another. So he read his Grandfather's notes, and looked for a reference in magical creature guides. He couldn't find anything in the books he was reading, and his Grandfather's notes were both comforting and worrisome. Comforting, because it turned out Snorkacks couldn't take in enough in one sitting to make a human more than woozy. Worrisome because:

I theorize Crumple Horned Snorkacks are what happens when an enlarged Tardigrade and a unicorn cohabitate during a large magical energy spike. They were here when I found them. It may or may not have involved a Spanish ship bringing Unicorns to the New World crashing.

That, combined with the calculations of just how large a magical spike it would take... he was pretty sure his grandfather was a mad scientist with delusions of innocence and sanity. Even if they were kind of cute and indestrctable.

Outside of that, he would leave the castle once a week and call Dobby for an update. His house was coming along well, which was good, because he may want to hide there from the dementors, patronus or no patronus.

He wanted to go see his new house over the holidays, but knew they would make him stay at the Dursleys if he left, and he didn't want them to freak out when he was perfectly fine.

During his second qudditch match, it was the same. Except that when the entire school saw his patronus, it wasn't a stag.

...

AN: I was going to put the scene with Luna here, but I ran out of maximum characters (I'm writing this on my phone). So, sorry, but my phone insists on a cliffhanger.

...


	6. Enter Luna

Chapter 6: Enter Luna

...

He turned to look, and groaned inwardly when he saw a blonde ravenclaw coming towards him. People had been asking him about tardigrades, patronuses, and tardigrade patronuses for the last few days, and the ravenclaws had the most questions. He resigned himself to another conversation that was the same as all the others. He didn't expect the words that came out of her mouth, "I don't know what a tardigrade is, but that was definitely a Crumple Horned Snorkack."

He stared at her slack-jawed for a few seconds before he shook himself to his senses, "what do you know about Snorkacks?" After all, she may have more information and he needed as much as possible.

What followed was a general description, and an anecdote about a Swedish wizard who owned one in the 1600's, leading people to believe they lived in Sweden. Harry was rather confused about it actually. "Did the Swede have any relation to Jered Jones?"

Luna cocked her head, "Jered Jones, the main supplier of bloop acid until his death? They were friendly rivals in the potion ingredients business. Does that mean Snorkacks are on Bloop Island?"

Harry paused and actually tried to think before he acted for once. Or he would have if his good hard look meant to judge her trustworthiness hadn't noticed "where are your shoes?"

The girl blinked, "I couldn't find them this morning. I think the nargles took them."

And his heart decided she was a friend without his permission... dammit. "What's your name?"

She smiled serenely, "Luna Lovegood."

"Well, it's very nice to meet you Ms. Lovegood," he said offering his hand. When she took it, he bent over and kissed it. "Why don't I carry you inside?"

He gave her a piggyback inside and found a typically abandoned hall. He set her down near a window seat and offered her a seat. When she did so, he sat down on the ground and started rubbing heat into her ice-cold feet.

She looked at him with dreamy eyes, appraising him, "why are you doing this?"

"I've had to walk shoeless in the snow before. It hurts. I can't just leave you to walk around in pain."

She smiled, "thank you."

"So, what's a nargle?"

...

He had no clue how crazy she was. The fact that they became friends ment she had to be at least a little crazy, but the question was how much? Did she believe against contrary evidence, no evidence, or slim amounts? He didn't know.

But then, he didn't think it mattered. She was still smart. She was now better than him at the lapifors spell (the third year spell that turned any small object into a rabbit)... of course, he taught it to her after he got enough practice to understand it, which didn't take long. This was followed up with a second year spell to turn the rabbits into slippers, which slowly looked better and better over time. Her shoes were taken enough to cause copious amounts of practice. There was no way she could have misplaced thirty pairs of shoes, it was definitely bullies. He just hoped they didn't increase their torments.

At least he had someone to go over his Grandfather's notes with. According to Luna he was a 'demented designer,' when pressed for a description it was indistinguishable from a mad scientist... except for the magic of course.

So, every week while Harry spent three days with Ron, and three with Hermione, he spent one with Luna. Luna, the only person who would talk to him about Crumple Horned Snorkacks, and his island. Yeas, Luna was the only person he told about it. He couldn't shake the feeling that he shouldn't tell Dumbledore.

When he told Luna she just said it was because he was a bureaucrat, the kind that sets up a trap for an incarnation of evil in a school full of children and seriously thinks it's a good idea and even the children will follow the rules. When asked if she thought he was evil she said, "no, I think he's too Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, without enough Hufflepuff or Slytherin. The least he could do is listen to Sprout and Snape. I bet neither thought it was a good idea."

That was definitely food for thought.

...

AN: And enter Luna, who is always fantastic.

My inspiration for this fic was two-fold. 1) Why is it, that when Harry has a secret heritage, it's super-big and important. and 2) Why does he never use his tropical islands for anything but vacations? Secret Islands are super useful.

And someone told me my anti-bureaucracy wards were genius... Feel free to take them and develop them as you like, I release them into the ether. I would like a shout-out if you choose to do so.

Now, using a literal reading of the books. Harry is heteroromantic. Counting the epilogue, he is capable of reproduction. My reading of it says he's a heteroromantic asexual, and saying anything else is reading into what isn't there. This is fanfiction, so there is no problem with doing so. But that means anything goes.

With that in mind: what ships do people want? I already have one request for Harry/Luna. I am willing to do a multi, I like trioships and don't think there are enough, but I didn't actually plan anything, so input would be nice. I've started on the next chapter and Hermione is getting a bit snarky. I think I'll develop it so keep it in mind. Jumping the generation gap isn't really my cup of tea, but I'll consider it if I can think of a good way to do it. Regardless, there won't be any hot and heavy scenes. Some hand holding, flirting, pecks on the lips. If they have sex, it will be off screen.

Also, I do intend to develop Ron into something that isn't an insufferable brat. There may be some minor bashing, but only to bash some sense into him. I don't want to hear about how terrible he is, he's young and has time to change. I think all he needs is his own path to follow, one that isn't in the shadow of his brothers (or best friend). If you feel like chiming in on that you can. My two current ideas are to have Sirius teach him enchanting, or to have him experience a head injury and develop an actual gift for divination, but neither is set in stone. Heck, he may be the one who continues Jered Jones' experiments. Who knows?

Review if you have any opinion on any of these things, or just want to comment. If you don't want people to know your vote, PM me. Constructive criticism is not only welcome, but desired. So are ideas. This started as a 2am insomnia project, so it isn't necessarily fully developed.

...


	7. Nothing Too Strange

Chapter 7: Nothing Too Strange

...

His house was finished by Easter. Under budget, and possibly awesome. He promised Dobby to visit and possibly stay over the summer. He planned to invite Luna, and maybe the others. Maybe. He wanted to, he really did. But he figured Ron would be jealous, and Hermione might not be able to not tell an adult.

At the bottom of one of the chests of notes was a real treasure. Four pairs of rings. He immediately gave one pair to Dobby. Who became excited because, apparently, he had nothing to do, but had enough money left over from construction to make a 'cabin' on the island. He was also able to use the rings without a wand. He said it just needed a concentrated spike of magic. Harry figured he'd learn more about it later.

(Beta Mandated Scene Break)

And then it was June. Finals, prophesy, Ron and Hermione make up. Ron is kidnapped, Snape's a douche. Lupin turns into a werewolf, Peter gets away, the crowd of dementors. The Hospital Wing and Time Turner to save Sirius Black and Buckbeak. Nothing too strange for the life of Harry Potter.

Sirius Black, his godfather. Who knew his parents. Family. When he and Hermione landed and he was saying goodbye to Sirius he made a split second decision.

"Dobby!" Harry called.

"Yes, Harry Potter, sir?"

He picked Dobby up and set him on Buckbeak, "Take them to the second one."

Dobby looked at Sirius suspiciously, "Isn't the Blackses trying to kill yous."

"He's innocent. And my godfather. Family."

Dobby nodded, made sure he was in contact with both Sirius and Buckbeak, and disappeared.

There was silence for a few seconds then: "...Harry?" That sounded ominous. The curiosity mixed with annoyance.

"If anyone asks, Sirius left with Buckbeak. It's technically true. I'll explain later."

"Riiight."

"Don't we need to get back?"

There was a small gasp, "yes we do. We have 10 minutes."

They barely made it in time. But with a gasped out, "We did it," to Dumbledore they were able to get through the night without an explanation for anyone but Ron. That one was interesting.

"So... you're still in contact with that mad elf?"

"Yes."

"And he takes care of your safe house, that you inherited from your mum?"

"More or less."

Silence for half a minute or so, "where is it?"

"Will you tell your mum if she asks?"

"Of course not!"

"Even if she was really worried and pulled out all the stops to convince you?"

Ron blushed, "well... maybe if she was really worried."

"Then I shouldn't tell you that way you have... what's it called, Hermione?"

"Plausible deniability."

"Right, that."

Ron nodded his head, "you gonna tell Hermione?" Jealousy crept into his voice.

"I don't know. Hermione, can you keep it from your parents and our professors?"

She had to pause and think about it. "Probably, can you tell us about it without telling us where it is... or they are? You said the second one, I assume there's multiple."

Harry had to resist the urge to face palm. "There is only one house, that Dobby had to build, it's somewhere in Britain. I think he's working on one for Bloop Island. As far as I can tell, no one can find it. Ever. Without my help. It's in the Bahamas somewhere."

"You own a tropical island?" Ron asked incredulously as Hermione just stared at him.

"Yes, Ron. I own a tropical island I visited once and was scarred for life. Crumple Horned Snorkacks have terrifying feeding habits."

Hermione's eyes widened even more at that, "They exist?"

"Yes, they look like my patronus. They became that after I researched them enough to know they can't do anything but dehydrate me a bit. Which happened after my failed boggart."

They both looked at him oddly. "Failed?" asked Ron.

Harry blushed, "I couldn't think of a way to make a dementor funny, so it went to my second fear."

"Giant Tardigrades?"

"Giant magical tardigrades with horns that suck all the moisture out of creatures to eat them in a matter of seconds leaving nothing but dust. They are terrifying."

"...Riiight... and the giant Tardigrades live on Bloop Island?"

"Yes."

There was silence for a few seconds, "can you bring either back so I can study them?"

Harry sighed, "I'll see what I can do."  
>...<p>

AN: My primary beta (I have two) thinks that, not only should that scene break be there, but there should be an extra scene for build up. I would put one there if I could think of one, it would just force most of this chapter into the next one (because of the maximum characters on my phone, fortunately, ANs are done during the editing process on my computer. So you get tons of them;)) I may write an OMAKE chapter later to fill in blanks.

Again, review if you want to chime in about relationships, Ron's future role of not-suck, or just have some criticism to share.

...


	8. Thank Goodness for Diets

Chapter 8: Thank Goodness for Diets

...

He promised Luna to write over the summer, and maybe bring her to the Island.

Apparently Sirius came back to Britain just long enough to get the owl and be spotted far from Hogwarts.

When he got back to the Dusleys he thought about just running away to his godfather, but decided to go with something a bit different, mainly to avoid Dumbledore. The day after he got home, he waited for Uncle Vernon to be in a somewhat better mood. It helped that he made Uncle Vernon's favorite meal, and made sure it was the best he could make it.

He waited for a Commercial break and started the conversation, "um... Uncle Vernon?"

Vernon looked over with mild annoyance, "what is it, boy?"

"Could I spend time out of the house, and the neighborhood? I could do my chores and leave. Mostly just sleep here. That way you see less of me but I'll spend enough time here that my people won't think I ran away."

"And what will you be doing when you're... out of the house?"

"Does it matter so long as I'm out of your hair? You can tell the neighbors I got a summer job, or joined a London gang or something."

Vernon thought for a moment, rubbing his chin, "how do you intend on getting fed?"

Harry blinked, he hadn't thought of that. "Well, my dad left me some money, it should be enough to handle food for the summer." And there was fruit and fish on his island. That should help cut expenses.

Vernon nodded, "I'll think about it. I need to talk to your aunt about chores first."

The resulting talk had ended in even more of a boon. Apparently Dudley needed to go on a diet, and Aunt Petunia thought they should all join in to show their support. This resulted in Uncle Vernon actually paying him fifty pounds a week to, "come home late and bring real food," as in come home after Petunia goes to bed so he could eat some meat in peace. This is of course, after weeding the garden and repairing anything around the house that broke. Not that bad of a deal for almost complete freedom.

The next day Harry woke up, weeded the garden, fixed the faucet, and walked out of the neighborhood. He then walked into an alley and activated his island portkey.

It was dark. Harry was completely surprised by this, until he remembered that international travel involved changes in time zones and it was probably before dawn.

While he waited for his eyes to adjust, he just looked at the sky in awe. He'd heard the night sky was more beautiful in the country, but he saw twice as many stars as what he saw in astronomy class. Even the milky way was brighter, and more gorgeous. In took his breath away.

After he started to be able to see more than trees, he started looking around. He was back at the edge of the tree line. The area where the old house had been was cleared, but the ruin itself was intact. Next to it was what looked like a tropical hut. It's roof was made of leaves woven into thatch, and it was supported by a bunch of posts, with a wooden floor. Chests lined the only wall, and there was a table covered in doodads. There were three hammocks. One was elf sized, and no doubt reserved for Dobby. The other two were human sized; one was in use. Buckbeak was lying curled up on the floor next to a pile of strange, dirty items. The image made him smile.

Just then he gave out a yelp and jumped in reaction to something nudging his leg.

He heard a "Lumos" from the hut and light flooded the area, highlighting the chihuahua sized Snorkack that was apparently... sniffing him? Did Snorkacks sniff? Did they even have something that counted as a nose, or was the sucker more like bugs and antennae?

"Harry, is that you?"

Harry looked over at Sirius, who was already out of his hammock, and blushed slowly moving away from the Snorkack, "Sorry for waking you, I didn't realize it would be this early."

Sirius smiled, "not a problem. Don't mind Sniffy, he's harmless."

...

AN: I will note that Vernon doesn't care if Harry gets _good_ food, just _enough_ food so that the authorities, particularly wizarding authorities, won't come checking.


	9. A Morning with Sirius

Chapter 9: A Morning with Sirius

...

"Don't mind Sniffy, he's harmless."

He looked down at the Snorkack, "Sniffy?"

"Dobby named him," Sirius explained, walking up to Harry and picking up the creature. Its eight legs kicked in excitement as its tubular mouth extended and nudged Sirius in what looked like something between a nuzzle and a lick. Snorkacks were bloody weird. "Apparently Snorkacks eat magic too, and can find it in artifacts, though they need to smash a object to get at it's magic. We've been transforming him into a dog and taking him to Mexican markets to find rare treasures. He also sometimes finds stuff on the island, if it was buried too deep for them to get at before."

Harry stared at it for a second. And then held his hand out to pet it. It felt like tough skin, but seemed to enjoy it, wriggling happily.

Sirius grinned, "why don't we go to the fire pit and chat."

The fire pit was on the beach, apparently above the high tide line. Sirius _incindio-_ed a fire, "you have any breakfast, yet?"

Harry shrugged, "I'm good for now."

"Then we can just skip to marshmallows, and eat properly when Dobby gets here," Sirius said, sitting down as Sniffy curled up in his lap.

Harry smiled awkwardly, "so... what have you been doing? Is everything going okay? What was that bit with Mexico?"

Sirius chuckled, "Everything is fine. Now that you're here the only possible improvement would be Mooney coming to visit. I've started enchanting again, and selling may wares in Mexico, Brazil, and some of the little nations between the two. I'm a bit too paranoid to try the US though. Dobby takes good care of me. I'm fed and watered and everything."

Harry smiled, glad Sirius was taken care of, "I've never heard of enchanting."

Sirius looked surprised for a second, then chuckled, "right, muggle-raised. I get magic to permanently stick to objects. Broomsticks, self-inking quills, I even had a flying motorbike."

"I always wondered how they did that," never asking questions was too ingrained in him for it to not affect him when he was nervous; unless he felt the question was necessary, he tended to avoid them.

"Eh, mostly Runes. Some Arithmancy, with a dash of charms."

Harry was starting to regret his choice in electives. After a moment of silence Sirius broke it with a, "I can teach you if you want. Maybe catch you up to where you need to be to switch electives from divination."

Harry looked at him in shock.

Sirius snorted, "even an idiot can tell you hate that class. Not surprising, since you've apparently died a few hundred times this year."

Harry chuckled, "I know she isn't a total fraud, but it's kind of ridiculous."

"No, shit?" Sirius didn't actually ask, voice full of amusement.

They sat there, eating roasted marshmallows and talking until the sun came up a few hours later. Watching the sun raise over the water; it was the best day of his life. There may be better days in the future, but today was perfect.

Sirius was finishing up a story about how Snape took revenge on him fourth year with a potion that gave him bunny ears for a week, when Dobby popped in next to them, squealing gleefully, "Harry Potter is visiting! Dobby will make breakfast!"

He popped away again, and popped back with three fishes, that he skewered and started roasting over the fire. He then brought out plates with eggs and toast. It was wonderful, comparable to Hogwarts fair.

"Is Harry Potter staying for the summer or just today?"

Harry smiled, "both. I'm sleeping at my relatives house so no one thinks I got kidnapped, but I should be visiting every day. I'm being paid to come home late and help my uncle cheat in his wife mandated support of my cousin's diet with meaty fast food."

Sirius snorted, "that's one way to get an income... speaking of incomes, you know how this is called Bloop Island?"

"I take it Dobby told you."

Sirius shrugged, "What do you know about Bloops?"

AN: Why is it, that the stories where Snape gives as good as he got, it's always an informed trait?

Also, I've tried to find the Word of God on Sirius' old job, and came up blank. I like to think he made is own flying motorcycle, and if he had the enchanting ability for that, he probably at least *helped* with the spellwork on the Maradurs Map.

Now, overall question for my readers: I just got a new App for my phone with a longer character limit. Unless I get a bit of an uproar over it, I'm going to try for a 1500 to 3000 word chapter length (suggested by Penny the Wise). Updates probably won't be any slower (chapters 8 & 9 are really just part of the same 1500ish word chapter, and I wrote them in one sitting). So, Good Idea?

It looks like the couple is going to be Harry/Luna. No one has an opinion on redeemed Ron, but there is at least one more chapter (probably more) until everyone shows up again, so still time to vote.

...


	10. Island Overview

Chapter 10: Island Overview

...

pre-AN: I think telling you anything in curly brackets {} is silent is important enough to go before the chapter proper. It will be there mostly to translate metric into American (I know it's called standard... but only America and one other country uses it).

...

"What do you know about Bloops?"

Harry shrugged, "Just what was in Grandpa Jared's notes. They are bubble like creatures that float around, between 7 and 15 cm {3-6 in}. They act like flying Jellyfish, only they consume their prey whole and dissolve them in the acid they are filled with, a useful potion ingredient. They spend most of their time underground in stasis, but come out for a few months at the end of their lifespan to eat and multiply. There are three species, light blue live in and over deep water, light green in and over shallow water, and dark green on land."

"The three species business is new to me, but that just makes this better," Sirius started excitedly. "This year is a Bloop year, and the current collectors of Bloop acid skirt around the spells on this island, grabbing every Bloop they can find. We are at the nexus, and so can get many times what they do, undercut their price by just a bit, and make bank."

"So... I have a tropical island with a semi-unlimited supply of money." Harry deadpanned.

Sirius nodded with a manic, somewhat creepy grin.

"OK, what do I do?"

Sirius blinked surprised, "I can handle it, I just need your permission."

Harry shrugged, "Sure, just tell me when you need my help. Do you need my Grandpa's notes?"

"That would be nice," he said nodding.

Harry grinned, "Thanks! Hey, Dobby, what do you think?"

Dobby jumped. "My ideas aren't importants, I do cooking, and cleaning, and building. I do what I like, and I am free."

Harry smiled, "So, what are the plans? I want to spend some of my time each day here, and some at my London house."

Sirius chuckled, "let's get you comfy before making hard plans. Just go with the flow for a few days"

Harry nodded smiling.

They all finished breakfast and Harry sat there somewhat nervously. After a moment of awkward silence Sirius smiled and stood up, "So, how about a grand tour?"

Harry smiled, relieved, and nodded. He went back to his trunk and got his firebolt. He looked over at Buckbeak who looked at him lazily and covered his face with his wing.

Sirius chuckled reaching around the back of the house, "that means he won't be joining us."

Sirius pulled out a broom. It was a rather odd broom. The wood was rough. While the bristles were the same length, they weren't quite straight. When he saw Harry's curious look he grinned and winked, "made it myself. It won't be up to the stunts you pull, but it gets around the island just fine."

Harry looked at it with a new reverence. It was one thing to have a mass produced piece of equipment made by experts, it was another to know someone who could make it from scratch.

He looked around and saw Dobby extinguishing the coals, "Hey Dobby! You coming with?"

Dobby looked up surprised, "Dobby is honored to be invited! But Dobby has things to do. Especially if Harry Potter sir is coming to London house later."

"Definitely, I want to see my house in all its glory!"

"Then Dobby will make sure everything is ready for the master's return! But first Dobby must work on projects here." And he popped away.

Harry stood there smiling for awhile at the thought that someone cared what he thought, when he heard footsteps behind him, "I don't get that elf, your relationship, or how you treat him. It obviously works, but it makes no sense."

Harry blinked feeling uncomfortable, "why not?"

Sirius shrugged, "I didn't want to get into something so deep today but magical creatures aren't wizards because they aren't human. They think differently on a fundamental level. That's not to say they aren't just as good, or anything but treating them like humans and expecting them to react like humans can be hazardous."

Harry looked at his suddenly serious yet wistful godfather, and couldn't help the question blurt from his mouth, "what about Lupin?"

Sirius started, then seemed to think for a second before replying, "Mooney is damn near human. Ninety-nine percent of the time when he is in human form, he'll react as a human. It's that one time that is dangerous. If he actually starts getting worked up, he can get violent. I'd tell you to be careful, but you're pack, so he won't do more than frighten you. Anyone outside the pack, he'll attack if he feels they endanger the pack. It's why he tries so hard to stay calm... then there's the full moon night. The amount of man compared to wolf is reversed."

Sirius seemed to be watching for Harry's reaction. But Harry just got quiet and thoughtful. After a while he replied, "how am I strange for treating Dobby how he wants?"

"It's less you and more the elf," Sirius shrugged. "In ancient times they'd leave if you so much as thanked them, sometimes even if you saw them. They still don't accept money, though the offer won't drive them away. But accepting clothes is still anathema; now rags are some sort of symbol of awesomeness instead of clothes being an insult because of the inferior design of human style. They love to clean, and have no use for human commerce or items. The only things they take in return are food and housing. As far as I can tell, Dobby only let's you pay him as a token of his freedom."

Harry nodded, "that makes sense. I think he wanted to stop being beaten, and just wants to make sure it never happens again."

There was a long awkward silence.

Finally, Sirius coughed and said, "So tour?"

"Ya, let's do that." Harry agreed a bit too quickly.

They mounted their brooms, and kicked off. As they crested the canopy Harry saw smoke coming from the other side of the island and stiffened. "Sirius! My island is on fire!"

Sirius smirked, "Yah, it does that."

"Sirius, this isn't funny!"

He snickered in reply, "Just relax until you get a better view. Trust me."

After the stories of pranks he'd heard about this morning, Harry didn't quite trust him but there wasn't much he could do about a forest fire, so he went along with it for now.

As they ascended higher and higher, Harry realized two things. One: his Island was huge. He'd expected to be able to walk around it in a couple hours; his island was the size of a small city. Two: that was a volcano. It appeared to be erupting, and was spewing lava down the opposite side of the mountain... Okay, so maybe his island did just catch on fire occasionally.

"Can the fire spread to the house?"

Sirius chuckled, "oh, ye of little faith. The house itself is enchanted inflammable. I also have a fire alarm ward 1km {5/8 mi} out. Giving me plenty of time to evacuate so I don't get smoke inhalation. On a related note, shouldn't the volcano be in one of your Grandfather's?"

Harry furrowed his brow trying to decipher that last bit, until he realized Sirius was punning. "I've only gotten a quarter way through. His notes are complicated, and a bit hard to read. I was looking for the stuff on the creatures."

Sirius nodded, "So, the island is about 65 square km {25 mi sq}. Over there is the house. It is on one of the two capes that are sticking out either side. It is on the outside of the curved cape, I'm not sure why, because the inside will make a perfect natural harbor. You'll probably want a boathouse there eventually."

Harry nodded, looking down. They were looking at the island from the north. The island fanned out to the south, like a clam shell. Sirius was describing a hook off the bottom left (hooking away from the volcano), and some land jetting off the right. To the right of the island was a heart shaped ring of miniature islands.

Sirius continued, "There seems to be a extremely powerful ward ensuring most of the lava flows off the opposite side of the island, but there are still a couple vents on this side. There are also a number of hot springs. There is even a freshwater stream fit for drinking."

"To the right is an atoll. It is from a smaller, older volcano or vent that had it's own caldera. A coral reef grew along the edge, and now some of it peeks through the surface. The heart shape is pure coincidence. They are usually circle, or oval shaped. The diving there is awesome. Remind me to teach you the bubble head charm."

"Now, I'm going to show you what remains of what your Grandfather built. Then I'm going to show you the lava vents so you can avoid them in the future. We'll finish up with a dip in the hot springs. We'll go diving after I teach you the charm, or you can buy some equipment. What do you say?"

Harry smiled, "sounds great."

AN: So, first of all: Bloops are a cross between jellyfish and amoebas, with a cicada-like breeding pattern. They come up once every three years to eat so they have enough energy to asexually reproduce.

Second: Harry and Sirius are getting to know each other. Sirius doesn't want his kid in all but blood to hate him, and Harry doesn't know how normal families work. They are both nervous, which will lead to awkward moments until they get used to it. Harry doesn't want to seem like a burden (something that was damn near beat into his head for years) so he's letting Sirius take the lead. Meanwhile, Sirius is a prankster, and hasn't had a chance to grow up properly, so he doesn't want to infringe on Harry's independence or rebelliousness. I think Sirius will probably turn into more of a mischievous older brother than a responsible parent.

Third: House elves seem based off of a number of creatures like brownies... I'm just making the link a bit closer.

And finally, when I sat down to write this and got to the "grand tour" I realized I hadn't actually designed the island. So I had to do some research of the local area, how the islands are formed, and what all those pesky geographical terms are. I'm from the middle of America, so I don't really have experience with oceanic geography. I can tell you what a rill is, lagoons not so much.

As always, Review with any ideas or opinions. Until I actually write something, or promise it, it is changeable. I appreciate every review, favorite, and follow. I'm even on three communities:) I love you all, you are awesome.

So: most probably Harry/Luna, any opinions otherwise are welcome. I'm thinking of having Harry have at least one serious or semi-serious relationship before it... mainly because marrying the first person you date just seems surreal to me. But I will be slowly developing their relationship starting at her next appearance.

Current Ron redemption plan: will probably involve him gaining magical empathy with an accompanying breakdown, and learning hard work has concrete rewards.

Harry and Sirius need a responsible legal to legal-ish adult as their front. I'm thinking Lupin, but an OC might work... and I might do both (OC for Mexico/Brazil/Islands, and Lupin for Europe/US.)

Opinions on any of the three points?

...


	11. The Grand Tour

**Chapter 1: The Grand Tour**

Harry followed Sirius towards the volcano. When it became evident that this would take a while he relaxed and started taking everything in.

The first thing was the air. The wind whipping through his hair and around him was an old friend. It's embrace always comfortable. It was warmer than normal, which he had expected. He hadn't expected the smell or just how nice that air felt flying past him. The salty air was altogether pleasant. Harry could definitely get used to flying here. He smiled looking down. He would need a qudditch pitch, maybe over the water.

There was a giant field of green. The sight of which widened Harry's smile. He had his own Forbidden Forest only not so forbidden. He would enjoy exploring it.

Around the green was a border of sand. Around the sand was a border of light blue. Around that was an endless field of dark blue. He supposed that was where the ocean suddenly got deeper.

His grin now splitting his face in two, he looked back towards the volcano. It was covered in green most of the way up. The very tip was a bare black mass. Volcanoes could complicate his life, but he was sure he could handle it with a bit of preparation.

He looked a Sirius Black. He was family. Harry had family, and a home. On a private island where no one could track him down. A place where he could be "just Harry" and no one would try to make him shake hands, or sign autographs, or go on any adventures he didn't want to go on. He was safe. And a surge of contentment spread through his entire body. Home.

If Sirius asked, a bug flew into Harry's eyes.

Was that a building on the volcano? Made of the same rock?

They landed in front of it and Sirius grinned, "Welcome to the Labrary!"

"The _Labrary_?"

"Yep! Come on."

Harry was dragged into the building. It was, indeed, made of the same stuff as the volcano. It wasn't made of bricks though. There was no door in the doorframe. Inside, was pitch dark until Sirius shouted "_lumos_" and a number of magic lights sprang up everywhere.

It had one room lined with shelves. Three fourths were bookshelves, and had a light purple haze around them, probably to protect the books. The other fourth was filled with strange devices. The floor had several designs filled with runes. Near the back wall was a huge pillar covered in glowing black runes... he didn't know *how* they glowed black, but they did. They glowed blacker than the black rock they were inscribed on. You would think that would look menacing, or give off an aura of foreboding... but it didn't. It looked kinda cool though.

Harry walked to the middle and looked closer at everything. The floor was cleanest in the center, with bulges in cleanliness to completely show the designs on the floor. Said designs were shapes within shapes, some made of lines, and some of strings of runes. They were each about ten feet across and there were three of them. The runes making up the designs were inlaid with different metals, with little rhyme or reason that Harry could see. The strangest thing was that the entire floor appeared to have a clear layer on top of it. It wasn't glass, and it didn't seem like plastic.

The items on the shelves it depended on the item. Some were clearly rusted, or otherwise oxidized. Some had been knocked over or tumbled off the shelves completely. Some looked like projects not quite done yet. And very few were in pristine condition. He had no idea what any of them were supposed to do.

He looked at the book cases, "will the purple field disintegrate my hand or something?"

Sirius smiled, leaning on the doorframe, "Nope. He just put ridiculous preservation wards on the bookcases. I wish he'd done so with his projects, but hopefully their designs are in his notes. It shows he was definitely a ravenclaw though."

Harry chuckled as he pulled out a random book and flipping through, "I don't know kinda sounds like Hermione." He paused, blinking and started scanning the pages. "Is this a full book on lethifolds?" Skip a few pages, scan, skip a few more, skip to near the end. "Bloody hell, it is. I thought lethifolds weren't encountered enough to have a full book. Hermione is gonna flip."

"Is it '_The Strangest of Tropical Snakes_'?"

Harry flipped to the front, "yah, how did you-"

"Banned book. Keep it on the Island."

Harry blinked, "wha-"

"All things written by Parselmouths are automatically banned. It makes me wonder what else is on those shelves though."

Harry sighed, dejected, "figures I'm so much of a freak I can't even write a book in my own world."

Sirius furrowed his brow, "now, now. Don't let it get you down. It just means you're special. Life would be boring if we were all the same. Surprise Parseltounge or no. The Ministry are dumb asses anyway."

Harry gave a half-smile. The words hadn't cheered him up, but the fact that there was someone who cared about his feelings had helped a little. "Have you gone through the books, yet?"

"A bit. I'm trying to figure out what possessed him to combine Germanic, Babylonian, Chinese, African, and American runes in the same Circle. Apparently the effect was useful enough to make them permanent. He uses so many; I probably forgot one or two."

Harry blinked, "He's breaking more rules."

Sirius lifted his hand in the so-so motion, "Ehh, More like breaking Guidelines. Combining Runic Systems can be dangerous, mainly because of grammar."

Harry looked back at him curiously.

Sirius raised his eyebrow, "there's a big difference between a flashlight and a light-flash."

Harry nodded his understanding and put away the book, "so, lava next?"

Sirius shrugged, "sure. We can do the cistern afterward."

Upon showing Harry the first lava vent, Sirius gave him a long stick. Apparently poking lava with a stick was tradition. Harry would be lying if he tried to say it hadn't been his initial urge, or that he didn't enjoy setting the stick on fire by poking the lava.

Down the mountain they went. About twenty feet {6 meters} within the tree line was a large it kinda looked like a swimming pool. A very dirty swimming pool. Everything around it was wet, and it looked to be slowly filling up from a spring filling it. Dobby was inside, scrubbing at the edge of a clean area about a fifth of the entire thing.

This place was home, and Petunia had trained Harry well. Combined with his natural helpfulness the words were out of his mouth before he even thought them, "Hey Dobby, need some help?"

Dobby rolled his eyes, "No, but Harry Potter sir will help anyway. Dobby can't stop him. Just as Dobby could not stop him from helping to build his house before school. Scrubbies are there, Dobby cleans until all Scrubbies is dirty. Dobby cleans scrubbies in London."

Harry smiled, and then climbed in and started scrubbing. He then looked back at Sirius, "We can chat while I clean if you want."

Sirius was looking at him in contemplation, and then shrugged, "why don't I join you. The faster we finish, the faster we get to the hot springs."

While scrubbing, Harry learned many things. The first of which was that the slime was difficult to clean. The second was that it was impervious to magic (learned second hand from Sirius and Dobby). Apparently this was true for the mold that had grown on top of it as well. Dobby was growing some of both in alternate stagnant pools. The third was that a cistern was a place to hold your water supply, which was why they were trying to clean it before anything else.

Harry then asked Sirius about runes. After a brief intro it changed into a discussion between Sirius and Dobby about how House Elves could bypass wards, and how exactly they did so (apparently they sensed weak points). It was very educational, and apparently they were going to experiment with it.

One hour later, they were covered in grime, and so were all of the scrubbers. The cistern however, was now a little cleaner.

Sirius then took Harry to follow the stream up until they found the first pool.

"There are about twenty pools between the springs. I like to scrub in this one and go to a higher one to soak. There are five more pools on this spring." Sirius said stripping.

Harry blushed, "Naked?"

Sirius looked back and raised an eyebrow, "what's the point of a private island if you can't run around naked whenever you want?"

Harry coughed, "I don't suppose there's spare swim shorts?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, transformed a rock into swim trunks, and tossed them to him, "you'll come to your senses eventually."

Harry went behind a waist high rock, and put on the swim trunks. "Should we really be bathing in the stream that goes to our water supply?"

"It should be diluted enough by the time it mixes with rain water for it to not matter. If there's still a problem we can move to a different one. Not that it matters right now, since we're still cleaning it."

"Does it rain a lot?"

The man just started laughing.

"Sirius?"

"Harry, it's the tropics. It rains all the fucking time." Just as Sirius said that, Harry felt drops land on his arms and shoulders. "Like, right now. Now it's going to rain."

It turns out, being out in the rain wasn't that bad when it was warm and you were soaking in a hot spring. It was kind of like a shower. When discussing Arithmancy with family it was downright pleasant. They even ended up going two pools higher to soak, making it more pleasant. Sirius taught him a new spell to write magically in the air for their discussion.

Afterwards, Sirius tried to clean his clothes with a spell, but it didn't work because of the magic immune slime. So they carried them back to base camp, and Harry dug out some new clothes from his trunk.

When he chose his outfit and stood up, Sirius was holding a potion for him, you're looking a bit pink. He sighed, I can't believe I forgot to give you the Safe Sun Potion. I'm sorry. This'll halve your recovery time and protect you for the next week.

Harry touched his cheek and felt the familiar sensation of sunburn. He smiled, "no problem, it's not that bad. Thanks." He then downed the potion. It was familiar from qudditch practice. Kinda tasted like soap.

He left the trunks of notes with Sirius, and teleported to London.

..  
>It didn't know where the scent went. The bigger one had been getting all the good things, and the small one was jealous. But it smelled something amazing, and it wanted it.<br>..

His house had a small grassy lawn in front. A two foot {60 cm} strip with an extra foot {30 cm} closer to the house filled with flowers.

It had three stories, plus an attic, and was as tall as the neighboring houses with a similar facade. There was a two foot {60 cm} buffer between the houses.

Harry went up the front steps and opened the door. To his left was a stair case going down. Straight ahead was the kitchen and the right had the sitting room.

The sitting room had a comfortable couch and chairs in front of a television and fireplace. There were game systems and a VCR, with (as far as he could tell) a random assortment of games and movies in a nearby bookcase. That wasn't the only bookcase either. There were several. One appeared to have all the Hogwarts school books for all seven years. Another couple had a bunch of books he'd looked through at the library, or he'd heard Hermione talk about. There were a lot of Defense Books. There was one filled with classic literature, both muggle and wizard. And one seemed to be filled with Muggle education books. Using those he could get into a muggle university. That's definitely a thought.

Next he checked the kitchen. Dobby was there making lunch or dinner. He looked at the clock on the wall. Three pm. Probably dinner.

It looked like a modern kitchen. It had an oven, a toaster, and a microwave. There was even a percolator. There was granite counter space, and an island that gave a natural separation between the kitchen and the dining area. There was an extra-large table there with plenty of chairs. He could fit the entire Weasley family plus extra at that table.

"Harry Potter sir is home. How does he like his house?"

"Pretty good. I noticed you bought a lot of books," he left the question unasked.

But Dobby heard it, like he always did. Dobby got all of the school books used for fourty years. And asked other elves what the most read reference books, and reading books were. Leapy is from a traditional half-blood family that has married a muggle born every generation for five-hundred years. He told Dobby of muggle school books. Dobby knows you were raised muggle, so he got them."

Harry nodded looking at some floating pans near the stove, "I thought technology didn't work with magic; that we would need to get powerful wards on the sitting room for the TV."

"Magic interferes with electricity, ward the items and it is fine. You probably shouldn't do big magic in house while electricity is running. Now, Harry Potter sir should pick his bedroom while Dobby finishes meal."

Harry smiled, "I'm gonna explore a bit more first."

He noticed the bathroom to the right. And the sliding glass doors to the back yard.

The yard was smaller than the Dursley's, but he didn't mind. Apparently there was a way to grow trees quickly though, because there was a large fruit tree covered in flowers. It looked good for climbing. There were a couple of deck tables and chairs.

When he went back inside he went downstairs first. It looked like a giant workroom plus boiler. A quarter of it was sectioned off. Harry grinned, that must be the elf room, it wouldn't hurt if he peeked inside.

He opened the tiny door and heard a startled eep. Among the dormitory style beds was a young elf. It had an oversized shirt, belted at the waist, and was covered in paint. Harry blinked, and remembered a conversation about this with Dobby. "I'm sorry, I forgot that we were housing elves between households. I would have knocked if I'd remembered. What's your name?"

The elf blushed and looked down. "I is Honey, Harry Potter sir. My last master died, and his daughter had no use of a painter, so Honey looking for a Master who does. Honey has been painting murals in the bedrooms in return for staying." She sounded like a young girl.

He smiled, I look forward to seeing them. Have you done all five?

She shook her head, "Just two so far. One is sky, another Islad. Would Sir like something special?"

Harry rubbed his chin in thought, "what can you do in purple?" He'd always been partial to a classy purple, ever since he saw pictures of royalty wearing it.

She looked lost in thought, "mountains, sunset, night sky, plants, crystals."

Those all sounded really cool actually. "Any of those work. I'll trust you to make it awesome."

Her eyes widened to comical proportions, "Harry Potter sir would trust Honey? It is a great honor!"

"Of course," He replied, trying to make it as matter of fact as possible. "You're an expert. And an expert is supposed to be trusted in their field. It's only good manners."

Her cheeks darkened in what seemed to be a blush as she looked down at the floor. "Would yous at least look at Honey's other work? So you know for sure."

Harry nodded, "I was going upstairs to pick a room anyway. I'll look at all five before deciding. Are you going to be joining us for dinner?"

"But, masters don't join elveses at meals. Elves eat after."

Harry shrugged, "I don't want to be anyone's master. And I like having conversation at meals. I would like you to join us. I'll tell you what I think of the rooms then, alright?"

She nodded shyly. Harry decided he liked her.

He went upstairs. The second floor had two bedrooms, and a very nice bathroom. Hagrid could probably use that bathtub. There was a lot of blue.

One bedroom was plain, with nothing more than a king sized bed, desk, bookcase (empty), bed side table, and walk in closet.

When he walked into the other, it was like he was back on the island the painting was so realistic. The painting even had moving birds, and the occasional breeze. The furniture was painted to match the only stage thing was the bed. He went up to it and sat down, and it sank. He then proceeded to poke it and watch it jiggle. A water bed. He fell back on it to see if he liked it he didn't. It was mostly weird.

Regardless, he wanted to see the other painted room. He went upstairs and looked in all the rooms. They all had fairly standard furniture. One had two sets of bunk beds; the other two had double beds.

One of the ones with the double beds had a night sky or an artist's rendition of it. There were large planets, and comets, and just awesome. He thought the planets might be moving slowly, orbiting the room.

Harry walked back downstairs grinning widely. Honey was in the kitchen now. It looked like she was setting the table, and maybe preparing some side dishes.

"You guys need any help?"

"No Harry Potter sir. We is almost done."

Harry sat down, and within a minute the table was set and spread with food. Fish, salad, and cheesy potatoes. As good as at Hogwarts.

"Did Harry Potter sir pick a bedroom?"

Harry nodded, and swallowed his food. "The paintings were gorgeous. I didn't like the water bed, but I think I want the other big room." He looked at Honey, "if you could do the space thing with some landscape around the bottom that would be cool."

They continued chatting until the end of the meal. When they were finished Harry insisted on helping cleanup they put him on drying while Dobby washed and Honey put away. When he went to take his trunk to his room, he found someone (Dobby) had already taken it to his room.

He decided to start his homework the next day, and went back down stairs to have his first movie night. Fortunately, Dobby had gotten a hold of all three Star Wars episodes. So the tree of them sat on the comfy furniture and watched Luke Skywalker save the Galaxy. When asked what he wanted for dinner, around 11, he asked for hamburgers and chips, with an extra he could take to his Uncle.

That meal was also delicious. Dobby took him home at midnight, and he entered the door to Uncle Vernon waiting to devour some food. Apparently, midnight was perfect timing.

..

AN: And the Grand Tour comes to a close. That was intense. I thought about splitting it into two chapters, but I wanted to finish the slew of world building. There may be some more later, but at least I can get back to the action... or for what passes for action in this story. It should start speeding back up.

Honey will recede into the background and have the occasional scene. I made her on a whim, and she was so adorable I just had to keep her.

Next Chapter: Sirius takes Harry Shopping in Mexico, among other things.

And on to the poll thing: How many people should the island end up having? It'll probably have at least 10ish so they will have help with various things (farming for one). But It can easily hold a village or town. A city is doable but it would take up most of the island. So, 10s, 100s, or 1000s of people? Should it be more of a hide out, a training camp, or a base? I'll listen to any suggestions.


	12. Shopping!

The days took on a rough routine. After doing his work at the Dursleys, Harry would go to the Island, read for a few hours, and then spend time with Sirius. Bonding was… hard… for Harry, but when things got awkward they changed the subject to runes or arithmancy. It worked well.

Occasionally, Sirius would mention that Harry needed new clothes. Nice ones that fit. And weren't a school uniform. Harry agreed that it was probably a good idea. But they never seemed to get around to it.

What Harry didn't notice, was how everyone was changing. This was partially because he didn't have a baseline to compare it to. So he would just occasionally notice things. Sirius' eyes looking less haunted, while he stopped looking like a skeleton. Dobby seeming to get less wrinkly, and a little taller. He was getting taller too, and his hair started getting in his eyes. He chalked it up to the fresh tropical air, sun, and Dobby's wonderful cooking.

But part of him noticed things just kept getting better, so he was Ill prepared for when things suddenly got worse.

About two weeks after Harry's grand tour of the island, he showed up at the island house to the sound of whimpering. It was still dark, so Harry lit his wand and followed it. Sirius was in his Padfoot form under the hammok, curled in a ball, whimpering. Buckbeak looked up to Harry and made a worried churring sound. "It's alright, I'm here to help him." Buckbeak set his head on his claws, looking miserable.

Harry approached the sleeping dog-man and whispered, slowly getting louder. "Sirius... Sirius... PADFOOT."

Padfoot's head snapped up, looking straight at him, panting heavily. He then padded over and started nosing Harry's hand until his Godson started scratching his ears.

Harry sat down and Padfoot put his head in Harry's lap. The teenager continued to scratch and pet his dogfather, hardly noticing when Padfoot turned back into Sirius, until: "Thanks James."

Harry paused, confused. "Sirius… it's Harry. "

"Wha-" suddenly he froze, and proceeded to sit up. "Sorry pup, I was bit out of it."

Harry snorted, "I noticed. People don't normally call me by my middle name." Harry wasn't stupid. He knew Sirius had confused him for his dad for a second. And by the the look his godfather was giving him he knew he knew. Which is why the responding nod was an acknodgement. "Some nightmare. Need to talk about it?"

Sirius shook his head, "My sleeping mind just got too used to Azkaban. They've been backing off. It's been three weeks since the last. Twice as long as before. I'm getting better, promi- WOAH!" Buckbeak came over and started nuzzling him. Sirius laughed and started petting the hippogriff, "I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm better now."

After Buckbeak calmed down Sirius went over to the metal cold chest, and pulled out a bottle and two tiny glasses. He set them on the table, filled them both up, and downed one in a single swollow. He filled it up again and set it aside while he arranged the project on his table. He nodded to the second glass. "That's for you."

Harry blinked, "you're giving me alcohol?"

Sirius shrugged, "Yep, firewhiskey. It can be siped or shot. I suggest sipping for your first time."

Harry took a sip. It was an interesting experience. It tasted wonderfully of cinnamon and other spices for an instant, and then his mouth was on fire… okay, not literally, but it felt like it. He was really glad the sip he took was tiny, because the burning stayed in his mouth and out of his throat as he made a face. It may have been the longest wince he'd ever experienced.

However, Harry had heard of firewhiskey, and he was determined to finish the thing. He stared it down, and determinedly took another sip. Each sip was better than the last, but it was only barely tolerable by the end. He felt a bit warm, and maybe a little fuzzy around the edges.

Since Sirius was so absorbed in his project, Harry took the third year book on Arithmancy, and started reading it while lounging in his hammok. He noticed Sirius would cast a "tempus" charm occasionally.

At 8am island time Sirius stood up and said, "Okay, let's go to Mexico."

Harry blinked, "what?"

"Mexico. Let's go. We'll buy you some cloathes."

"Er... okay."

Thankfully Dobby showed up with breakfast before they left.

It took them an hour by Buckbeak, with a rather large pack attached. During the trip they made a game plan… for shopping. Harry supposed Sirius just needed a distraction for the day, but it wasn't all that a complicated plan. What sort of cloathes did Harry want? Normal, comfy cloathes that fit. He needed to look decent, not like Malfoy. It would be nice if they were durable. And if he could wear them around the island.

They landed behind a shop. They climbed off and Sirius shouted… something in Spanish with "Ola" and "amigo" in it. Harry was lost.

A large (though not Hagrid Large), bald man came out of the back door of the shop and hugged Sirius, saying something back. They went back and forth a couple times, and Harry heard his name, and something that sounded suspiciously like the word "english."

The large man laughed and shook Harry's hand with both of his while saying with a Spanish accent, "Welcome megico. Me Martin Leal. You come watch Godpapa barter?"

That was understandable. Harry nodded smiling awkwardly, "yes."

"Good Good."

They went inside, and Harry couldn't help but be amazed. It was like walking into Dumbledore's office, if Dumbledore was a hoarder. Gadgets whirled and spun, and bobbed, and ticked. There were tons of different quill colors, each with a different labels that Harry was pretty sure weren't colors.

He had no clue what most of them did, but apparently Sirius was selling. After some time, a hefty amount of gold coins Harry didn't recognize, and what looked like two pairs of goggles, two skin suits, and two face masks, they left... and Buckbeak stayed in the alley with the purchase.

"Why aren't we just going to the bank?"

"We are. We need to transfer some of this into Muggle money."

"We're rich…" Harry pointed out the obvious.

"Which is all very well and good, if it didn't take a couple days to transfer funds accross the Atlantic."

"ah."

They changed half of it into Muggle money, both dollars and pesos, and went shopping. Harry just wanted T-shirts, jeans, and maybe a Polo and slacks if he wanted to look nice. Maybe trainers and loafers. He got them… and more stuff. Anything he looked even slightly interested in was added. He wasn't sure he'd ever use a sumbrero, or a pancho, or whatever these sarong things were. There were shorts, and tank tops, trainers, and boots, short and calf-length. Harry put his foot down and insisted on swimming trunks. For both of them dammit. His had dinosaurs… Sirius got hearts for some ungodly reason. He even got a tuxedo. After each store, Sirius sunk the items so they could carry them.

"Sirius, is that eyeliner?"

"Yes."

"I'm not wearing it."

"That's fine. I'll laugh when you're trying to squint through the sun glare on the ocean."

"If you're pranking me, I will get revenge."

"Good to know, but we need this too."

"That's costume make-up."

"Matte black costume make-up. It cuts down on glare even more."

And that was just in Muggle… "Sirius, where are we?"

"Cancun."

"Really?"

"It's the closest big city to your island."

…Right.

And that was only in Muggle Cancun. In El Entre Grande {The Grand Between} he got both Mexican and American Wizarding garb. American Wizarding robes were basically the same as in England. He was assured there was a difference, but he couldn't tell. Mexican garb on the other hand had strange diamond patterns... the sales lady said they were Aztec in origin. They were comfortable. Sirius also made him get dress robes. Expensive, yet still black to "match anyone."

"This might be the softest fabric I've ever felt."

Sirius turned to say somthing in Spanish to the tailor.

"What did you do?"

"You're getting pajamas in that."

"… what fabric is this?"

"Chupecabra fur."

Harry sighed in defeat.

"Hey, I have thirteen years of spoiling you to catch up on."

They were heading back to Buckbeak when Harry saw some men with guns. "Sirius, are those muggles?"

"Probably. Don't stare, you might piss them off."

"What are they doing on a Magical Street?"

"I don't know, I don't care. They're with the Mexican Mafia."

"A Muggle Mafia is in the magical section?"

"Calling it a muggle Mafia isn't exactly accurate. The Mafia here is so powerful it can ignore the statute of secrecy and hire magicals. Half of all muggles in Mexico know magic exists because of it. Just don't explain anything and try to stay out of sight and your magic use will be ignored."

They heard Buckbeak cry out a warning and ran to the ally. Buckbeak and Martin were defending themselves from a pack of Chihuahuas. Harry was not expecting that.

Sirius shouted, "watch out Harry, they spit acid."

At the end of it, Harry, Sirius, and Martin all had acid burns from the _acid spitting Chihuahuas_. Buckbeak was fine.

They left after giving the corpses to Martin, so he could get the bounty. Apparently, acid spitting Chihuahuas were a menace.

…..

Harry now had a trunk of clothes on the island, and a Wardrobe full in London. But he had something important to do.

He sat at his desk to pen a letter.

_*Dear Lupin*_

_*That dog you gave me isn't feeling well. I'm hoping a familiar face will cheer him up. Is there a good time to meet in London for a day?*_

_*Harry*_

An hour later Hedwig returned with a reply.

_*Dear Harry*_

_*I can certainly meet up. I miss the old dog. I'll meet you at the Bailey at nine?*_

_*Remus*_

Harry smiled and penned his reply while He'd wig gobbled her treaets.

_*Dear Remus*_

_*Thank you. Nine am at the Bailey is fine.*_

_*Harry*_

He arranged Dobby to pick him up and take him.

AN: acid spitting Chihuahuas for the win! And Chupecabra fur, because I can.

Also, if you want to see the Snorkacks, look at my new profile pic.

And the editing on this is probably terrible. My computer stopped working, so I can't even run a spell check.


	13. Honorary House Elf

Harry started the day as normal. He woke up, did his requirements for the Dursleys, and walked out. He walked into the same ally as per usual, but this time called Dobby. Dobby took him to the Bailey, as had been previously arranged.

He then found a comfortable spot, pulled out his Arithmancy book, and started reading. For an hour.

Harry heard a chuckle and looked up to see Professor Lupin, "what are you reading Harry?"

Harry smiled, "Arithmancy, I'd like to drop Divination, but I'll need something else to fill it."

Lupin nodded, "So, where's the old dog? I've missed him."

Harry grinned putting his book into his new bookbag, "this way." He pulled Lupin into an ally, and activated his Island Portkey.

Lupin sputtered as they were suddenly under torrential rainfall in the dark. Harry laughed and dragged the soaked Lupin to the hut. "Hey Sirius, do you have extra cloathes for our guest?"

He heard a thump as Sirius fell out of his hammok, then the predicted "Lumos" as the lights around the poles illuminated the room.

Buckbeak was already standing and staring at the intruder. Lupin immediately bowed, unblinking, and Buckbeak returned it. All of this while Sirius was wiping the sleep from his eyes. "The Hell, Harry. You don't usually wake me… Moony?"

"Hey Padfoot," Remus replied from his position petting Buckbeak. "You're looking much better."

"I'm feeling a lot better, this island has been treating me well."

Harry couldn't help mentioning, "Remus still needs spare cloathes, he's soaked." To punctuate his point he tossed a towel at the offending warewolf, who smiled and started to dry his hair.

Sirius laughed and went to get him some spare cloathes as Harry dug through his "wardrobe" (which was really just a chest with his Island clothes in it). He picked some kaki jeans, and a white T-shirt. He turned and saw Remus in Black Jeans and Sirius' favorite ACDC shirt. Sirius was hanging the cloathes on the indoor line (which was actually a series of thin horizontal wooden poles), made especially for these occasions.

Harry decided that since they only had two chairs at the table, and a rather large number of cushions, he should push the table to the side and pull the cushions out of a chest that was obviously bigger on the inside. These cushions were back-up Buckbeak beds, made of leather.

Lupin just seemed to watch as Sirius positioned the cushions Harry handed him. He sat down on the offered cushion.

"So, Moony. What have you been up to?"

Lupin shrugged, "looking for a new job. It always takes a while. Staying with my Parents 'til then."

Sirius looked at Harry pleading in his eyes, it took his Godson a second to realize what he wanted. "You can stay here if you want."

Lupin blushed, looking down, "I'd rather not be a burden."

Harry shrugged, "So help around the Island. We're still making it livable. You helped make the Map, so you could probably help with Sirius' enchanting. Right?" He looked back towards Sirius who nodded.

"At least until the Bloops come out. Then, since you're better with magical creatures than me, you can help with that. You can even be our front man when we sell, since I don't want too much attention on me."

"They won't want to buy from a werewolf. "

"They will if they want cheap Bloop acid."

Lupin held his hand up, "OK, back up. I've heard of bloops, but I don't remember anything about them."

Sirius smiled, "Harry, you first."

So Harry and Sirius took turns filling Remus in. Half way through, a very muddy Sniffy came in and curled up under the table, conveniently behind Lupin.

When they were done, he took a deep breath, "Let me get this straight. Harry is the first male decedent of a man who died 400 years ago. So, his and Lily's magical ancestor left him an island warded to high heaven so no one can find it. This same island has two rare magical creatures, one of which is a rare potion ingredient, and the only reason we have any currently is because some leave the wards."

The two story tellers nodded.

"Furthermore, Sirius plans on harvesting Bloop acid, but needs someone trustworthy to sell it to, or a front man to do it for him. That about sum everything up?"

Sirius nodded, "Sounds about right. But there's one more thing…"

Lupin sighed, "what?"

Sirius pitched his voice, "come 'ere Sniffy! Come on Boy!"

Sniffy jumped up, and bounded over to Sirius, who proceeded to pet him vigously.

Lupin just stared at it. "That would be a Snorkack?"

"Yep!"

"It's kind of creepy."

"What are you talking about? It's adorable."

"Your mom thought shrunk House Elf heads were adorable. They were still creepy."

Sirius just laughed.

"So…" Remus started, "You really do want to actually hire me. I'd actually be doing something. Not just mooching off of you."

Harry smiled, "this island is going to take a lot of work to get it to what I have planned. And the extra help would be great."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at his Godson, "And what exactly do you have planned?"

"Living here, and only leaving when I have something to do, or happen to feel like it. Maybe having some of my friends here with me so I wouldn't have to leave to see them. That way I can be The-Boy-Who-Lived like, once a week instead of full time."

Lupin looked at him strangly, "you want to become a hermit?"

Harry blushed, "not a full hermit… I Just… want to be Harry, and I can't do that in Britain."

Sirius smiled sadly, "you can do that here. And we'll try to not let you go full Hermit, alright?"

Harry smiled, "thanks."

They continued to chat until Dobby showed up with breakfast. Thankfully the rain died down, since they only had two umbrellas, and they went to the fire pit. They had built a gazebo around the firepit, with a flagstone floor and a teired roof to let the smoke out.

Harry then handed Lupin his Firebolt.

Lupin smiled, "I don't need your broom, Harry."

"We only have two right now, and you need a tour."

"I don't-"

"Take the damn broom! Spend a day with your best friend, and I'll help Dobby around the Island. Besides, the Hotsprings are awesome," he shoved the broom into Lupin's hands, turned around, and left, leaving the two grown men no choice in the matter.

As he stalked off he heard Dobby say, "It is fine. He has Elven souls. Not helping is hard for him, so this is like vacation for humans."

Harry got lost in thought at that, and turned into the jungle for a walk. He'd learned a lot about house elves since he started working with Dobby.

First and foremost, in order to survive they needed to be both Slytherin and Hufflepuff. They needed to be able to look at their masters and completely misinform them without actually lying… outside of the stock lies of "I love working here." Slytherin. They also needed to be seen as completely able to do any job with no training. This is done by going to another elf who knows what to do and asking. This creates a system of bartering knowledge, and favors, but denying help was extremely rare since it generally led to an elf's dismissal, which generally ended in starving to death. Their loyalty to each other made them help in a time of need. Hufflepuff.

As he thought about it, he realized it was true. His time with the Dursleys had turned him into a House Elf. Instead of shirking whenever possible in rebellion, he instead *had* to help around the home because of inner compusions, not doing so seemed completely anathema. But he also helped authority figures in the ways expected of him. It was strange to think he might be an Honorary Elf.

He heard a crack as Dobby appeared. "So, I'm an Honorary Elf now?"

Dobby shrugged, "Yous is an slightly odd elf, but a very strange wizard."

Harry nodded, "what do we need to work on?"

Dobby smiled, "we can use wood for dock."

Harry nodded, "Let's find some good trees."

The spells for turning trees into lumber were just specialized cutting spells where one could choose the dimensions of the final product. It was still a bit of a process to get the wood to the beach because the boards were two heavy for Dobby to teleport.

But first: they needed good trees.

On the way Harry had chats with the local snakes, and they found a few treasures. Citrus trees were easy to idetify, but Harry had never seen a pineapple… tree? Bush? Whatever it was pineapples grew off it. He snagged a couple.

He found a whole bunch of berry plants too. Raspberries, Blackberries, blueberries, and more that Dobby called mulberries, boysenberries, and dewberries. There were even more neither recognized. All of the berries were three times as big as they ought to be. Dobby got a bowl from the house, and they picked the berries (or fruits) they recognized.

Between finding small batches of berries, they found several trees for their mission. The best trees were, after all, the ones that had already fallen down. Next best were the ones that were dead standing. They just needed to make sure there was little enough rot to cut off that it was worth it.

They found their wood and carted it to the beach.

That was when Dobby asked, "is Mr. Lupin sir, staying on the island?"

"Not tonight, but probably eventally."

Dobby nodded, "Would Harry Potter sir like to learn making hammoks?"

Harry gladly accepted, and a couple hours later he had a hammok he had made mostly by himself, and set it up in his current area and transfered a his old one to a new spot for Remus.

Dobby rolled his eyes, "I told yous, Harry Potter sir, yous is secretly a house elf. Making yous own nest like one."

Harry gave a wry smile, "I don't think I mind being an elf, my wizard status will just let me help."

And at that, he pulled out a book and started to study.

...

AN: Enter Remus, a bit more on House Elf culture, with some setting build-up and future build-up. Harry will eventually invite Neville, though probably not until next summer, but I figured I'd plug the plants in now. If you want an example of a fruit they didn't recognize, there are lychee on the island.

Ideas are good, even the crackpot theories, I will want to hear them. Reviews get me excited, and I'm more likely to write faster.


	14. Here Be Dragons

Chapter 14: Here Be Monsters

The day after Remus had his tour, He, Dobby, and Honey started moving his stuff to the London House, where he took up residence in the Tropical Room. Well, the majority of his stuff did. There wasn't much space in the hut.

Meanwhile, Sirius was teaching him about the diving eqiupment. He had a special skin tight suit that kept his body temperature ideal, and a mask that fit over his nose and mouth that let him breathe underwater... and it had a radio to nearby divers. Well, it was technically a Wizarding Wireless Communication device, but it was really a radio.

Apparently he was banned from going deeper than 3 3 meters {9 feet} until he got proper instruction from a dive master. Something about killer blood bubbles. To ensure this, he had a fancy enchanted watch that showed him his depth and time submerged.

He also had goggles… so he could see.

And so they went to the Atoll west of the Island. Standing on one of the Islands Sirius did a last equipment check, and they dived in.

Harry had never seen coral before, but even he could tell it was magical. Randomly changing color was a pretty clear sign something was up. Sometimes bright pink, then lime green, then a bright orange.

The fish were brightly colored, there were strange shelled creatures… he'd never seen a rainbow conch before. He was swimming around (thanks to Sirius for a few hours of swimming lessons), exclaiming about how awesome things were to Sirius when he heard a low hiss, _Oh, look. The strange two finned merfolk is back, and it brought a friend._

Harry froze, and looked toward the sound. He was surprised to recognize what he saw… but he'd though Chinese dragons were bigger... and red instead of a silvery blue. It seemed to be talking to a snake of some kind. _I'm not a merfolk._

They both blinked. They looked at each other, and then back at him. The dragon asked, _You speak?_

_Yes, it's strange for humans to speak, but I am one of the few._

The dragon bobbed it's head in a way Harry could tell was a intrigued gesture, _What is is a human?_

Harry brainstormed of a way to explain humans to something that had never encountered them. Wait, they mentioned merfolk, and merfolk were half human._ Humans are half merfolk, half land beast. We walk on land and need air to survive. I can only stay under water this long because I have a magic shell on my face to turn water to air._

_Fascinating. It certainly explains why it sounds like your mouth is full of sand. Do you speak dragon as well?_

_I don't know. I was born knowing Parseltounge, and the only dragon I've met was a hatchling._

The dragon said something that sounded like they may have been words.

_Sorry, I could tell you were saying something, but I couldn't understand it._

The dragon sighed, _I will speak to you in snake then. Maybe I can teach you dragon later._

Harry grinned, not that the creatures could see. _That sounds wonderful. My name is Harry by the way._

_It is descriptive. You certainly have a lot of hair. I am known as Curious. This is Breath. She can hold her breath longer than any other Snake on the Island. She cannot speak underwater... the other is staring at you._

Harry turned to see Sirius staring at him, and blushed. "Sorry, I didn't expect a dragon to speak Parseltounge. We were having an interesting conversation."

"Don't let me stop you. I think it's amazing."

Harry smiled and turned back to Curious,_ He finds me speaking Snake to be interesting._

_That's because it is. Tell me, where do you den?_

Harry thought about that. _On the side where the sun rises. There was an old human den there, but it was too damaged to fix, so we made a new one._

_Hmm… I have explored the Land in times passed, but I am unsure what a Human Den looks like, could you give me an example?_

_There is a… Den not for living high on the land, near the lava. It has glowing purple, and black in it._

The dragon rolled it's eyes, _Just like a merfolk, Dens for not Denning. Do you at least use them for mating?_

Harry shrugged, _I havn't mated yet, but once a partner is courted sufficiently a proper Den is preferred, but not required._

The dragon nodded,_ Strange, you humans are. I wish to learn more. I think I know where your Den is. I will find you._

_Do not be worried if we are not there. We move around a lot._

The dragon nodded, _what are you doing down here anyway?_

_Looking. Maybe later I will poke things to see how they react._

_Then you are also curious?_

_All humans are. Some more than others._

The dragon looked at him, evaluating, _I think I will like you strange new creatures. Do you speak Mermish?_

_I don't know._

He suddenly heard a string of Spanish and heard Sirius say, "Dragons can speak Mermish?"

"It sounded like Spanish."

"That's because it's Spanish mermish. Mermish sounds like gibberish above water, but the local language under it."

Harry translated and added, _I do not know that version of human yet, I come from far away and learned a different one._

_Then I will learn human speak as well. I will learn all of them_.

…..

Meanwhile, Lupin moved to the Island the next day. They got him settled in and gave him the last pair of rings. And Harry began to learn from both of them. By the end of the week, he enchanted his first object, all by himself, thank you very much.

It was a floating rock. It didn't do anything, just floated for 5 seconds when you tapped it with your wand. Making it was mind numbingly complicated.

Sirius told him to send it to McGonagall with a request for class transfer requirements, and study materials.

The next day he showed up to the Island, and was greeted with an unholy racket coming from the water.

He turned towards the water only to see Sirius speaking in Spanish to a very disgruntled Curious.

"Is something wrong?"

"Curious is just swearing in Mermish. He's finding learning land language frustrateing."

_You alright?_

_You humans speak so strangly._ The dragon now had a strange accent, probably due to speaking in the air, _I have the "vowels" down, so he thinks I can do it, but some of these sounds are indistinguishable._

_Are you sure it's OK?_

_I had the same problem with mermish in the begining. I will learn, I'm actually enjoying it, as frustrating as it is._ The dragon cocked it's head, _on a more cheerful note, you are much easier to understand up here._

Harry chuckled, _I will leave you to it then. Have fun._

_I shall._

He went back to the hut, where Lupin was sleeping… with earplugs. He smiled and sat in his hammock foe a nice read… a nice read that was occasionally interrupted by a slew of swearing in mermish, Dragon, or Parseltounge… after hearing some in Parseltounge he decided to repeat it. It kinda felt good. Powerful.

_Humans warm. Like Beasts, yes?_

Harry blinked and looked down to see the green and blue Breath. _Yes._

_You warm me?_

Harry pondered that, mostly trying to figure it out. He'd learned over the past weeks that Snakes weren't actually vary smart. They tended to talk in snippets, and seemed to only care for food, warmth, mating, and sometimes safety.

He smiled, _yes_ and picked the snake up to drape over his shoulders so she could get at the precious body heat. He then continued to read.

A couple hours later Remus stirred awake and looked out at the ocean, and the beautiful sunset rising over it.

"They're still at it?"

"When did they start?"

"Fucking 5 pm," he replied rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Sirius is going to be useless today isn't he?"

"I don't know. He used to be able to ignore two days, but he's not twenty anymore."

"We can work on Defence. There's a 2 in 3 chance that the next teacher is terrible. We could also finish up the dock."

Lupin grunted in agreement, "We could probably fit both in."

"Sounds like a plan."

…..

AN: killer blood bubbles, aka. The Bends. When Nitrogen bubbles expand in your blood causing extreme pain and sometimes death. Caused by a sudden decrease in pressure. Note that every 10 meters or 33 feet is like having another atmosphere on top of you. So Harry is effectivly snorkeling for safty reasons. You may notice that I try to make Harry's ignorance amusing.

In China and Japan, many (perhaps all, I do not claim full knowledge of Asian mythology) dragons are guardians of water bodies. Kinda like Nymphs, but cooler. Jared Jones imported a rediculous amount of stuff, including Japanese river dragons. Dragons are hearty, so many moved into the ocean with no ill effects.

Speaking of imported magical creatures, and plants, does anyone have any interesting creatures sadly overlooked in our English - centric literature? Stuff from South America and Mexico are particularly of interest, but African, Australian, Asian, or even unusual European ones are fair game. North American too, maybe he has Jackalopes ore something.

Also, I'm editing earlier stuff. This will go slowly, and is mostly for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and continuity. Nothing huge. For example, Jones now died in the 1680's. If you notice anything, feel free to tell me, in or out of reviews.

I love you all! Over 100 favorites and followers, and 9 communities. Squee!

As always, I want to hear your ideas, critisism, or just anything you wish to share, it helps me connect with you and improve my writng.


	15. The Token Bureaucrat

Harry was relaxing in his hammock, Breath (the snake) around his neck, reading a book. It was early, the adults were sleeping. Which is why the sound of bipedal footsteps approaching was not supposed to be there. The limping gait didn't exactly help.

He pointed his wand at what seemed to be the right part of the darkness, because the footsteps stopped and he heard a… approving?… chuckle. "Relax kid, I'm not here to hurt you." The voice was gruff.

Remus, Sirius, and Buckbeak were starting to stir.

"Riiight, I'm totally going to trust a bloody shadow. How did you get on my Island?"

"I asked the Queen if I could come."

That… had not been what Harry was expecting. At all.

"And she sent you here… why?"

"To deliver Black's pardon and summon the occupants of the Island to her. She's curious. Not many anti-bureaucracy wards last this long, and the ones that do try to bypass her, not go directly there."

"I… don't understand."

There was a sigh, "Anti-bureaucracy wards are like a Fidelus Charm. You need a Secret Keeper, or in this case, a Token Bureaucrat. All of the required paperwork to keep things legal goes to said bureaucrat when applicable. With me so far?"

"There's someone I don't know handling my paperwork."

"For the most part, no. The paperwork appropriately designated for the Queen to do isn't that much when compared to the entire country."

"The #Queen# is my Token Bureaucrat?"

"According to the paperwork it is whoever the current leader of England is."

"…WHY!?"

"Who knows? I'm voting either security or patriotism."

There was a moment of silence as he thought. On the one hand there was someone who could call in and army to kill him if he misbehaved, on the other he wasn't planning on misbehaving too much, she probably wouldn't have time to punish him if he kept it to minor stuff, and it was the #Queen#, she was sacred or something, and this was normal... normal?… yes, this was normal.

"…I am oddly okay with this. But can we not call her a Token Bureaucrat? It seems disrespectful."

There was another low chuckle.

There was a cough from Sirius' hammock. "I, uh, heard something about a pardon?"

"Turn on the lights and I can hand you a copy."

The only light currently on was one Harry could turn on with the tap of a wand, which was about as bright as a candle. This was added so the adults could sleep better.

When they turned the lights up there was a scarred old man with mismatched eyes (one larger and electric blue) and a peg leg.

He heard Sirius say, "Ah, _crap_. I don't need you to start yelling about constant vigilance, Moody."

"Then don't have a third going on fourth year brat that's more vigilant than the two of you put together. Here's the documents. "

Was Sirius blushing? Sirius was totally blushing. So was Remus. Harry couldn't help but feel a bit proud.

Nevertheless, Sirius checked the documents, both of them, and nodded, "These are legit. Hey, Moody, do you know why she pardoned me?"

Moody rolled his eyes, "Well, I was in the records when your file… worked with gravity to get my attention. It opened to your incarceration papers, and I flipped through to read your trial transcript. I was curious why you'd betray The Order and James. Imagine my surprise when there wasn't one."

Sirius snorted.

"Yes, well. The reason I was there in the first place was to check up on the biggest security risks next year, specifically students who might be targets for one reason or another. Potter is on that list."

Harry couldn't stop a sarcastic, "No, really?" from escaping. He was a target, like, every year.

"So, I'm reading his file, and find papers sticking together. Most people wouldn't even notice, and I probably wouldn't have either if your wards hadn't wanted me to."

He continued, "Right there, it says he owns this Island, the Queen is his… Majestic Token Bureaucrat... and that you are living here. I used my contacts, got a meeting with the Queen, and now you are pardoned because of a lack of due process. I'd prefer a retrial but…"

"You can feed me Veritaserum if you want. I'm innocent, and Peter is alive."

Moody humphed, "I'll be checking that claim. The Queen may even want to hear it."

Sirius just shrugged, "Okay."

"So…" Harry interjected, "We're spending the day in London then?"

[Scene Break]

They were indeed spending the day in London. Harry wore his tuxedo and tamed his hair as much as possible. Sirius and Remus both went in newly bought dress robes (bought in Mexico).

They went to London, had breakfast with Dobby, Honey, and a new elf that showed up in the night Trog. It was much harder to get him to sit down with them than with the other two. Moody didn't eat. Though he drank from a flask on his hip.

They made their way to Buckingham Palace, and waited for their meeting. Harry was nervous, and when he finally met the Queen herself, a bit awestruck.

After official greetings, and maybe a bit too much bowing on Harry's part, they got down to business.

Apparently, they needed to sort out a new treaty. Most English laws were understandably, accepted.

With the understanding that only those privy to the Statute of Secrecy would be allowed on the Island, under age magic was allowed for those who had started school.

Harry asked for the right to give any species Person status on his Island. He immediately declared House Elves, Werewolves, and the local Water Dragons, to be Magical Persons.

Upon declaring this he was required to explain why, and revealed the abuse of House Elves in Britain, and the persecution of werewolves. Lupin was able to elaborate on current werewolf laws, but both issues were promised investigation.

Sirius requested Veritaserum for his own questioning, to prove his innocence if ever needed.

[Scene Break]

Afterwards Harry was still amazed he had met _The_ Queen of England herself. It was with that feeling of awe and happiness he felt afterward that he and Sirius retired to his London home. (Remus was being questioned by Moody about what he taught his students last year.)

They were curled up in the Living Room under blankets when Sirius seemed to think it was time for more business talk, "We found a good front for the bloop acid."

"Do we need a front anymore?"

"We do if we don't want to do every bloody step. We've actually gotten them to hire Moony as their European division. They're the current distributor of most bloop acid in the world."

"And they didn't have a European Division?"

"The current one is retiring. But that isn't all!"

Harry did not like that manic grin, "What?"

"It's owned by your cousins!"

Harry blinked, "…how?"

"To be fair, you and Malfoy are more closely related, but they are the only other known decedents of Jered Jones. His Great-Great-Granddaughter was born magical shortly after he died. Her entire family line was cursed to only have female children. As such, they could never inherit. They want to see the Island. This has the added bonus of the fact they they can train us in how to properly harvest them."

Harry bit his lip. He didn't like strange people coming to his Island. The fact that Moody could just saunter on in still kinda creeped him out. But they had been upholding his Grandfather's legacy this entire time without any reward…

"Maybe… I can meet them first?"

Sirius grinned, "I think that's manageable. There's one more thing we wanted to talk to you about."

"Okay…"

"We'll need more workers."

Harry's stomach was suddenly in a knot. "How many strangers were we talking here?"

"We were thinking Summer Jobs for Hogwarts students... say... Ron, Hermione, and Luna."

And that was a significantly easier to deal with, "Is that all?"

"Well, we were thinking of asking a couple others from across the houses that Lupin thinks we can trust, two from Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff, four from Gryffindor. That's including you, Ron, Hermione, and Luna. Yes, you can meet them beforehand."

"…The Slytherins worry me."

"One swore vengeance on Voldemort for his parents, and the other told Lupin Voldemort was bullshite."

Harry blinked in shock, "How do they stand their house?"

"By being more Slytherin than anyone else. Say what you will about Slytherins, but they can keep a secret."

Harry took a deep breath, "Okay, I'll meet them. But I'm not comfortable with it."

"Tell us if any alarm bells go off, and we won't push. We'll organize a get together and you can mingle with everyone."

Harry nodded. This didn't feel like a shouldn't, like with Dumbledore, it was more of a general awkwardness. He'd give it a try… see what happened.

AN: Harry's Island is being invaded. Fortunately, no one is going to know where it actually is for a while. I'm not sure how many extras I will bring on. Neville and the Slytherin who called Voldemort *bullshit* are, in fact, a go. Mainly because the Slytherin is secretly one of my magical critters and my center of exposition on my version of soul magic… which she thinks Voldemort is terrible at.

Lupin was a teacher for all seven years. As such, he met every single student. Whether he knows them all super well is *debatable*, so I'm going to try and spread it around the different years. Other than those mentioned, I'll put the rest up to vote when I actually construct basic personalities for them. That is, two Hufflepuffs, a Ravenclaw, and a Slytherin.

You may be wondering why he doesn't mind answering to the Queen. It's because he's so used to the concept it doesn't phase him. If he wasn't British, or the Token Bureaucrat was the US President, his reaction would be much different.

Beta-ed by Lydia-Hood.


End file.
